Bear Kids

One of my frequent critics, JohnnyK by name, has a SERIOUS problem with God (although he probably wouldn't put it quite that way). He seems to think that God could not possibly love us, because the Bible recounts SO MANY occasions of God angrily inflicting pain and suffering upon innocent [sic] people, the people He (allegedly) created. "He must REALLY get his jollies hurting people," JohnnyK reasons, "so he must IN FACT be an EVIL TYRANT and NOT the loving God Christians make him out to be!" (If you've read any of the comments on my past posts, I'm sure you've seen his...um...musings...on the subject.) [You see, for some reason JohnnyK doesn't seem able or willing to consider or deal with the reality of personal sin, or that it might have undesirable & unavoidable personal consequences (which makes man responsible for his own suffering, rather than God), and thinks all suffering is God's fault and it's cruel and unfair for God to make such a big deal out of sin.]

The thing he KEEPS bringing up, time and again (apparently as his "ace in the hole" which PROVES that God is NOT the God of love but rather of CRUELTY) is an isolated tale involving Elisha the prophet. It is described in all of TWO VERSES of Scripture. It is found in 2 Kings 2:23-24 (JohnnyK never did give the actual reference--I had to track it down myself, & it wasn't easy).

Let's see if we can put this into some kind of context, shall we?

The two books of Kings tell--among other things--the story of several kings of Israel and how many of them married pagan wives and (in order to please their wives) re-introduced pagan worship and practices in their realms in violation of the Covanent between God and His Chosen People. Possibly the worst of these was King Ahab (not the A-rab) and his pagan wife Jezebel (yes, THE Jezebel)! At Chapter 17 of 1 Kings, we are introduced to the prophet Elijah the Tishbite. God sent Elijah to Ahab to chastise (discipline) him for his turning away from the worship of the true God to the worship of idols (false gods), for the sake of impressing a woman. 1 Kings 18:17-40 tells the comic/tragic story of Elijah's famous contest on Mount Carmel with the 450 prophets of Baal (a pagan idol).

In 1 Kings 19:19, Elijah meets Elisha, son of Shaphat (as God foretold in verse 16), who follows him as his disciple. 1 Kings ends (at ch. 22) and 2 Kings begins with the death of Ahab and the reign of his son Ahaziah (who is still enthralled with paganism). In 2 Kings 2:6-14, the firy chariot appeared and Elijah was taken up to heaven in a whirlwind, and Elisha (with a "double share of his spirit") picked up his mantle and succeeded him as prophet of the Lord. Verses 19-22 tell how he miraculously purified the spring at Jericho using a bowl of salt.

NOW we finally get to the nub of JohnnyK's gripe. Let's start at verse 23 and read through verse 25 (Revised Standard Version): "[23] He went up from there [Jericho] to Bethel; and while he was going up on the way, some small boys came out of the city and jeered at him, saying, 'Go up, you baldhead! Go up, you baldhead!' [24] And he turned around, and when he saw them, he cursed them in the name of the Lord. And two she-bears came out of the woods and tore forty-two of the boys. [25] From there he went on to Mount Carmel, and thence he returned to Sameria."

That's it.

It isn't even clear which city the boys came from: Jericho or Bethel. No matter.

At first glance, you might be tempted to say (as JohnnyK repeatedly does), "What a cruel & blood-thirsty god he must be to do such a thing to innocent little kids!" But like most passages of Scripture, this one admits of several possible--and widely divergent--interpretations or explanations. Let's explore just a few:

1. This is just a fairy tale--the Bible is nothing BUT fairy tales--fit only to be ignored. "God" doesn't really exist. (The only problem is when some people read the Bible & actually take it seriously and get all fanatical and expect other people to behave "morally," etc., etc....) Therefore "God" had nothing to do with the incident.

2. If this event actually occurred at all, it was just an unfortunate coincidence that the 2 she-bears attacked just at the moment Elisha shouted his nonsense at the children who were chasing and mocking him. (He might just as well have shouted, "Sticks and stones may break my bones..." or "How about pizza for dinner?" for all the power "God" has to do ANYTHING. After all, "God" is only a figment of the fevered imaginations of the people who believe in him, he doesn't really exist, and consequently has no power whatsoever. Therefore "God" had nothing to do with the incident.

3. Since there is no "God," it was obviously Elisha's own mental powers that caused the she-bears to attack. Or maybe he accidentally conjured them up out of thin air (the text isn't too clear on this, so it MIGHT have happened, right?). So it wasn't "God's" fault. (There IS no God.) Elisha, and Elisha alone, was the murderer and he should have been tracked down and executed for his heinous crime!

4. She-bears generally only attack when their young are being threatened. Their cubs must have been nearby (unbeknownst to any of the humans) and the she-bears must have thought that the mob of noisy children was harassing their cubs. That's natural and reasonable, isn't it? Therefore "God" had nothing to do with the incident.

5. Well...maybe there is a god (one among many) that might have heard Elisha's curse and responded by sending out the she-bears to do his dirty work. Such a god, feeding vicariously on the blood of the innocent, hardly needs an excuse to attack and kill children at play who mean no harm. In fact, the truly amazing thing would be that anyone ever escapes a terrifying death at the hands of such a monster.

6. Suppose the text actually depicts a real event as it occurred. Suppose--just for the sake of argument--that there is One All-Powerful God, and Elisha was indeed His prophet (official spokesman). The text (at least this translation) doesn't actually say that the bears "killed" anyone, only that they "tore" (or mauled, seriously injured)* 42 of them (it also doesn't say how many boys there were in all, or how many might have escaped injury). (Lots of people have been mauled by bears and lived to tell the tale.) Now, you wouldn't have thought that TWO bears could have taken the time to kill even one or two if they actually mauled 42 kids. Had they actually doen so, the other 40 would have been able to get away virtually unscathed... (The lesson to be learned here: "Don't mess with the prophets of God!")

* (although I did note one translation that said "tore them to pieces.")

7. God is real, a material being (a Monster) who is also losing his hair and was vicariously offended at the children's taunting of Elisha & wanted to "even the score, plus more" ("That'll teach 'em to say 'Baldy'!"). (This would be an amazing interpretation, since it is so incongruous with all the rest of the Bible, which seems bent on depicting a good God, a pure spirit--not a material being at all--who wants to save men from the consequences of their own sins. Hmm...)

8. God is still real and still a Monster. It's the same God of Catholicism today who prohibits artificial contraception so His worshipers will have lots and lots of children that he can then kill with maurauding she-bears (the blood-thirsty swine!).

9. Jericho at that time was still rife with paganism, as was Bethel [that's an historical fact]. What the pagans worshiped as "gods" were actually what we today would call demons or fallen angels (Satan or Lucifer & the angels who followed him), who sometimes appeared to men in various forms (such as men, animals, giants or mythical beasts) [that's a theory]. Things are not always as they appear. The "children" in the story may have actually been demons harassing Elisha. The she-bears may have been (good) angels in disguise, sent by God to defend Elisha from the disguised demons. Elisha, not understanding this "true reality" himself, might have judged the appearances only and told what he saw to someone, who passed it on (etc.) to whomever eventually wrote it down in the book.

10. A footnote (unauthoritative, but plausible) in an edition of the New American Bible states: "This story, like the one about Elijah and the captains (2 Kings ch. 1), is preserved for us in Scripture to convey a popular understanding of the dignity of the prophet. Told in popular vein, it becomes a caricature, in which neither Elisha nor the bears behave in character. See note on 2 Kings 1:12..." [which note said:] "divine fire: literally 'fire of God' which in Hebrew sounds quite like man of God. The play on words is the basis for Elijah's alleged retort. This story was told among the people to enhance the dignity of the prophet and to reflect the power of God whom he served. The mercy which God extends even to the wicked is described in Wisdom 11:17-12:22, and the prophet Elijah was well aware of it (1 Kings 21:28f)."

11. Elisha, although a "holy man," was still a sinner like everyone else & was not immune from excesses of pride or anger. Also, the fact that this mob of pagan children was chasing and taunting a known prophet of God could suggest that they weren't so innocent after all, and he may indeed have been in danger of losing his life. And God's name is POWERFUL, so be very careful how you use it. Otherwise, someone might die.

CONCLUSION: So that's over ten possible ways to interpret these two verses, and I'm sure there are others. They can't ALL be true (for example, there either IS a God, or there ISN'T--you can't have it both ways). Which interpretation is the right one? Who died and made you the infallible interpreter of Scripture? How would you know if your favorite interpretation is the right one? (Or do you just MAKE it the right one by the sheer power of your MIND?)

What really puzzles me is why anyone would focus so much attention and energy on these two enigmatic verses out of all of Scripture, unless he were in fact looking for some excuse for his a priori hatred of the God he knows to exist.