You may have been wondering what the point was of that post below titled Different (Dec. 4, 2005). It was intended as an elementary illustration of the principle that quite frequently things look completely different from the inside than they do from the outside. So different, in fact, that it is impossible to truly know the thing until you experience it from the inside. I intended to post subsequent examples in a similar vein, but “never got around to it ....” The other two posts were to be on the topics of love & marriage, and the Catholic Church. I will try to sum up my thoughts on those topics in this present post & the next (I hope), but without the elaborate illustrative narratives.
Love is something everybody knows something about. Every person has some experience on some level of something they call “love.” Love is a thing that is generally hard to define with any precision, but usually people claim that they “know it when they see it.” And it’s safe to say, I think, that no two people experience love in quite the same way. I’m sure everyone would agree that love is probably the most precious thing on this earth.
Whether it is the love experienced between spouses, parents & children, or close friends, it is a treasure that is universally recognized and prized. It is quite distinct from the person we love (or sense loves us). Love is not the other person; it is a separate something that is shared between two persons (or, sadly, that is wasted on a material object or some other impersonal concept that cannot return it), and distinct even from the manner in which we express it to the other person (e.g. gentle words, a caress or kiss, conjugal embrace, etc.). Love is absolutely intangible because it is a spiritual reality, not physical. (It frequently spills over, it is true, from the spirit into the emotions, and we experience such physiological manifestations as accelerated respiration, mental preoccupation and/or confusion, but real love isn’t the only thing that can produce these effects, so it is always wise to proceed with great caution.)
It’s the stuff of poetry and music. Popular “love songs” attempt to describe it. It is a beauty that cannot be seen or heard, but is absolutely and inescapably real.
(It is tragically also true that there are some people who mainly experience love as a void because they see others experience the joy of love, but they themselves are so alone in life that they do not have anyone to love themselves, or to love them back.)
Now I could talk about love all day long in sentimental, analytical, allegorical, metaphysical or theological terms and, although that might give you a few new insights (or thoroughly convince you I was crazy), it still would not give you the actual experience of love itself. When two persons experience real love, their view of life itself changes—drastically. When you’re “in love,” colors seem brighter, sounds seem sweeter, everything around you takes on a newness and clarity that is startling. Of course, things don’t actually change, only your perception of things is heightened because love has changed your outlook on everything around you—on life itself.
Life itself looks different from the inside of a loving relationship than it does from the outside.
Love comes through knowledge of another person. It is impossible to truly love anyone you know nothing about. A man courts a woman, for example, in order to get to know her better, and to let her know him better. And, hopefully, with mutual knowledge will come mutual love; the more insightful the knowledge, the deeper the love.
Before I met my wife, she was a stranger, and I might not have given her a second glance (had circumstances been different). Once we met, we decided we wanted to get to know one another better, and over time, I began to appreciate her personality (and personal quirks) in ways that couldn’t be imagined before. Our love deepened and now she’s my wife. And our love continues to deepen over the years. Someone who doesn’t know my wife or me would never understand why we love each other the way we do. But that’s OK; they don’t have to. I understand, because I see it from the inside.
But true love isn’t limited to married love. Siblings can love one another very deeply, as can parents their children, of course, and vice versa, as well as close friends of the same or opposite sex. (Deep love need not be expressed genitally, as that is appropriate only to the state of marriage—between one man and one woman.) There is also the love of a priest or religious (sister/nun or brother) for the Lord or for His bride, the Church. And someone outside that relationship cannot understand it properly. Only those who experience the love from the inside can truly know what it’s all about or truly appreciate it.
No comments:
Post a Comment